Grandparents preside over Clean Plate Club

Dear Childwise:

When I take my children (ages 4 and 6) to their grandparents’ house, their grandparents make them sit at the table until they finish all the food on their plate. That’s the way I was raised, and I hated it, and at home I don’t make my children eat all their food once they are not hungry any more. I know it’s bad to let them waste food. I also don’t want to go against the “house rules” when they are visiting their grandparents. But I think it’s a bad policy. What is your opinion?

Clean Plate Club (former member!)

Dear CPC:

I totally relate to your question; I was raised similarly, and my sister and I sometimes resorted to bribing our dog with the likes of mixed vegetables, beets and liver so we could leave the table. Our dog certainly enjoyed our parents’ clean plate rule much more than we did!

Your situation is definitely uncomfortable for you and possibly confusing for your children, as well, because of the “rules” differences between the two places. A few questions that come to my mind shift the focus away from the issue of following house rules and toward the issue of nutrition. Are your children more likely to “clean” their plates when given certain foods, and/or when given smaller amounts of a food they might not prefer? If so, you might be able to address your concern by thinking about the problem from this perspective. For example, if your children eat a limited variety of foods at home, you might consider a plan of offering new foods along with preferred foods in order to expand their tastes (something parents typically struggle with). You might also compare the portions that your children are expected to eat at home and other places; the “problem” might be solved simply by giving them smaller portions at any one meal.

In either case, the difference in opinion that you and the grandparents have about clean plate rules takes a back seat to nutritional concerns. And such concerns would certainly be easier to discuss with the grandparents, compared to whether or not clean plate rules are appropriate for 4- and 6-year-olds! So, coming up with a plan with the grandparents from this perspective before your children sit down for a meal at their house would, I hope, lead to a more agreeable arrangement for all involved.

And if that’s not successful…do the grandparents have inside dogs? :O)

Mom frets about toddler’s language skills

Dear Childwise:

I am becoming a little worried because my 2-year-old does not seem very verbal. She can say several words (like kitty and ball) but more often she’ll point to things and say “da!” to get what she wants. She seems alert and bright, just not wanting to talk. I suspect it’s because her three older siblings, who baby her, are always around to do or get whatever she wants. Should I have her checked out, and by whom? Her pediatrician doesn’t seem concerned. If she’s just being lazy, how can I help her?

Kara M.

Dear Kara:

Trying to figure out if the development of a young child is at the appropriate level is extremely important, yet often complicated. Assessing for age-appropriate skills for a preschooler is absolutely critical in order to determine the need for providing early intervention, possibly the one form of educational intervention that we are most certain can lead to a successful outcome. However, because the range for what’s developmentally appropriate for preschoolers can be quite broad, and because the developmental behaviors of preschoolers change in short periods of time, it can be difficult to give clear answers to questions such as yours.

Based on the numerous early-childhood assessments I’ve completed that have included many parent interviews, my overall answer to questions similar to yours is this:  If you as a primary caregiver have concerns about any area of your child’s development, follow your intuition and have it checked out. For children younger than 3, the best resource for doing so, at no cost to you, is through your state’s early intervention department. You can get contact information for any location within the United States by e-mailing or calling the National Early Childhood Technical Assistance Center at NECTAC.org or (919) 962-2001. If a screening suggests that your daughter has a developmental need, the earl- intervention organization in your state can assist you in identifying and providing an appropriate way to help her.

Thank you for your extremely important question!