Smart advice for Chattanooga parents

I am going through a divorce and want to know how to help my children through this process.

The path through divorce for children can vary greatly; its effect on each child is different, depending on the situation and the coping style of the child.  Although it is difficult to control all factors in a divorce, parents can best help lessen the pain and impact on their children by becoming aware of a few important risk factors and how to address them effectively.

Conflict: witnessing conflict between parents is bad for children. Children love both of their parents and can be confused about their loyalty to each during conflict.  Parents need to agree to put their children first and commit to having those conversations away from the children.

Turning children into adults: leaning on a child for emotional support is bad practice. Children are not developmentally ready to provide this support and can be left with feelings of failure and inadequacy being asked to do so. Parents must develop their own adult networks for emotional support, and remember to allow their children to continue to experience the joys of childhood.

Going easy on rules and expected behaviors: it is more important than ever for both parents to maintain appropriate rules and expectations for children’s behavior.  Be sure to back these expectations up with appropriate consequences, consistency and fairness. Be respectful and loving with your child, allowing them to feel more secure while these changes take place.

Although the above mentioned may seem obvious, they are often forgotten during the divorce process and greatly impact a child’s ability to cope and progress through a traumatic time in their life. However, by thinking through these important concepts, your children have a good chance to become well adjusted to their new circumstances as time goes on.

For more information: firstthingsfirst.org, divorcehq.com, helpguide.org

“Children love to imitate adults. Therefore, be sure to exhibit the desired behavior yourself.”

My preschooler is constantly interrupting others during conversations. How can I help her develop better skills?

Self-control, or having power over one’s actions, is an important skill for all children to learn.  This is especially important when learning to participate in conversations. Here’s how to best help your preschooler learn to use self-control during personal interactions:

Teach her to observe and provide her with attention: your child can learn to wait her turn to talk by observing when others are not talking. In this way, she can see first hand when it is her turn to talk.  Also, providing your child attention during a break in your own conversations with others gives them an opportunity to practice “their turn to talk.”

Praise and rewards: Kids need consistent and positive feedback when they are doing something right!  For young children especially, praise is very rewarding and reinforcing for their behavior. Be sure to take the opportunity to acknowledge and thank your child for participating appropriately in conversations.

Show her how it’s done: Children love to imitate adults.  Therefore, be sure to exhibit the desire behavior yourself.  If you interrupt your preschooler during conversation, be sure to say, “I’m sorry I didn’t wait my turn, finish what you were saying.” Also, using phrases like, “Excuse me” or  “pardon me” and “please” or “thank you” will also appropriately demonstrate these skills.

For more information: parents.com, sixtysecondparent.com

Author bio:  Lauren Buongiovanni Hunt is a certified school psychologist.  She teaches psychology at Chattanooga State Technical Community College and is currently pursuing a certification in school neuropsychology. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, son and family pets.