Opportunity knocks

Todd Agne is fathering coordinator for First Things First. He’s the father of Will, 12, and Maddie, 8.

The key to good parenting is simple: Grab every chance you can to get involved

By Todd Agne

Photo by Scott Ingell

In the movie The Legend of Bagger Vance, actor Bruce McGill, playing legendary golfer Walter Hagen says, “Three lousy shots and one brilliant shot can still make par.” My great shot in academics was marrying a woman who excelled at it.

My bride of 15 years is a preschool teacher, a math/business major and a mother of two, with patience. Although she is the shot-maker when it comes to our children’s excellent academic climb, she would admit that even great shot-makers need good caddies who know the course and know when to make suggestions.

My wife plowed through high school and college and established herself as a businesswoman before raising our kids and becoming a teacher. I on the other hand, chose a less rigorous academic path and enjoyed limited responsibility while “figuring things out.”

Despite these differences and, more importantly, because of these differences, my wife and I are becoming a fairly formidable tag-team on academics. Because we have been able to make a few tactical changes from how we were schooled, as well as a few sacrifices, I believe our children are now in a great position to succeed academically.

Both Will and Maddie expect to see me in the hallways of their school. They know I have a relationship with everyone from their teachers, administrators, coaches and counselors to the nurses and lunchroom workers, as well as their friends. I chaperone school trips when I can, and I am diligent about attending parent-teacher conferences. Academically, I know what is going on in my children’s school.

And in case you’re wondering how the kids feel about my presence there, I’ll tell you: They love it. During school lunches, my daughter loves to show me off. The kids hang on to my every word, including the crazy jokes, and they love my silly magic tricks (like the disappearing thumb act). As for my son—when you’re a dad who rides the big coaster or completes the rope challenge during some field trip, you earn almost instant star status. Just my being there has led to greater self-confidence in my daughter, and my son is playing sports again.

This relationship building fits my style. Recently I’ve been working on adding another component to my parenting arsenal, which is oversight of homework and school projects.

Let’s face it: Time can be a factor for dads when we’re trying to be more involved in the lives of our children. If, by the time you get home, your kids’ homework is finished, then take advantage of the situation. Ask them to walk you through their homework, showing you what they learned. Teachers in middle school report that grades consistently drop due to missed homework assignments. Last year I printed labels for my day calendar that read, “Check Homework and Assignments,” “Check Grades,” and “Organize Homework for Turn-In.” This reminder and these actions reinforced the idea to my kids that I care. Subsequently they began to realize that the homework wasn’t really done until I spent time reviewing the work with them, and my day wasn’t finished until I crossed that item off my list.

While eating lunch at school and attending parent-teacher conferences are great ways to stay connected to your kids, nothing beats reading to or with your child. The undisputable fact is that children who are read to and those who read with their parents will do better in school. When I read with my kids, we get to have lots of fun adventures without ever leaving the house.  They love it—and, come to think of it, so do I.

I started reading to my son and, eventually, my wife to our daughter as a way of settling them down and getting them to sleep earlier so we could spend more time with each other. This turned out to be a great bonding time. It allowed us to end the day on a good note with the kids, which translated into time for us to relax as a couple. The icing on the cake has been that our kids have developed into excellent readers, leading to improved grades.

I think that sometimes, we make fathering a lot more complicated than it needs to be. What our kids want is our presence in their lives. When we make the decision to enjoy our children and take advantage of every opportunity to be fully involved in their lives, they thrive educationally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.