Stepping up

To single dad, perceived burden becomes blessing

By Mike Todd

Photo by Julie Hogue

In the 20 years I’ve worked for the Department of Parks and Recreation, I’ve seen a lot of changes in kids—especially a trend toward disrespectful behavior. I don’t believe that we are surrounded by bad kids, but I do believe we have a problem with bad parenting. I can honestly say that raising our children well is the single most important responsibility we face in the country today—and the benefits of good parenting are endless, to kids and parents alike.
I’ve been a single father to my 8-year-old son, Jontai, since my marriage ended nearly two years ago. In the process, I’ve gained a newfound respect for mothers—and an undeniable respect for the single mom in particular. Being a single parent is very difficult; it can take you to a level where your patience is truly tested. The cooking, the cleaning, the homework, not to mention the extracurricular activities—they don’t free up much time for the working parent. But it’s hard for me to comprehend how any man or woman can look upon their own child and say, “No more,” “I’m tired,” or, “It’s all about me.” I decided to step up, to do not only the “man” thing, but the right thing, as well.
In the beginning this arrangement was tough for both my son and myself. I had depended on my wife to take care of so much of the parenting, and Jontai struggled with the sudden loss of her presence in our home. But we have adjusted beautifully. Make no mistake: I can’t accept credit for the way that our relationship has grown over the last 22 months, because God has always had his hand in this, and always will.
The mere thought of watching my son grow to become a man himself is priceless, and very rewarding. Right now it’s Xbox and sports, but 10 years from now it will be graduation and college. In the meantime, I’ll try to instill decency and character within my son, so he doesn’t repeat some of the mistakes that I’ve made. I am determined that Jontai will never be at a point in his life when he can make derogatory statements concerning the way he was raised by his father.
I’m driven by one simple principle: In order to be a man, you have to see a man. No child should have to face life alone, to be put into tough situations with no father to take control. When your child is sick, nurture him. When he needs someone to talk to, listen. The most important part of my daily routine as a father is that I pray over, for and with my son. I never put a price on the love that I have for Jontai. And I tell him, it’s OK to look good, but the reward is much greater if you “live good.”
Twenty-two months ago I was thinking I’d been dealt a bad hand. But as time has progressed, I see that I’m holding all the aces. I can truly say that I am blessed.