Live and Learn

Camping out on the other side of the looking glass

By Lu Lewis and Edna Varner

Everybody has a list for something—losing weight, gaining confidence, managing money, improving relationships, flattening the stomach, or cutting costs at the supermarket. We were recently discussing a US News and World Report article, “50 Ways to Improve Your Life in 2009,” because, of course, we wanted to know what new lessons we could learn. (It was a “special report,” so our curiosity was sufficiently piqued.) The tips were worth the price of the magazine; now you can Google the article and get the tips free.

While you are at it, Google “50 Ways…,” and you will find suggestions for everything imaginable: “50 Ways to Help the Planet”; “50 Ways to Use Bacon”; “50 Fun Things to Do with your iPod” (which comes with this disclaimer: “Actual number of fun things you can do with your iPod may not equal 50.”); “50 Ways to Beat the Reaper”; and the lyrics to Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.”

We were wondering why the vast majority of us are still hoping to find something on the list we don’t already know. A better question may be, “Why haven’t we improved our lives by doing the 50 things we do know? Perhaps the answer lies in lines from a familiar tale, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland:

Alice:  And how many hours a day did you do lessons?

The Mock Turtle:  Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on.

Alice:  What a curious plan!

The Gryphon:  That’s the reason they’re called lessons, because they lessen from day to day.

Think about it awhile, and it may make sense. Just the thought of taking on 50 lessons to improve our lives this year is stressful on at least two levels. On the first level, it’s depressing to think we need 50 improvements in lives we’ve been working on for more than 50 years. On the second level, 50 is a really big number to tackle!

That’s why we are camping out on the other side of the looking glass, where each day “the lessons lessen.” When we offer advice, we will limit our lessons to fewer than five. Here are three to think about this month.

Lu’s lessons for helping children enjoy childhood:

You don’t have to live in Alice’s wonderland in order to create a world of wonder and creativity for your child. With so many rules, routines, shoulds and musts, it’s no surprise some little ones are stressed before they finish kindergarten. Take some family breaks from the day-to-day, and give your children the gift of serendipity.

Lesson #1: No Directions

Allow your child to create something from everyday objects—no directions, no plans, no right answers. Spend the afternoon in the yard with her, collecting whatever strikes her fancy. Bring in her treasures, put them on a table with safe scissors, glue and  crayons, and let her create. On a rainy day, the stuff of invention can be paper clips, buttons, pieces of yarn, or the “thingamajig” you keep in a drawer, even though no one quite remembers what it is.  The best part comes when the family gets to hear a story every time a visiting relative or friend notices the exhibit of creations you have displayed to honor the activity.

Lesson #2: Something Silly

Alice in Wonderland is full of nonsense, yet it is still read, performed, studied and enjoyed by old and young alike. Some parts are downright silly, but silly is good. Give your child the gift of silly. Books that make children laugh uncontrollably are the best; the reduced stress, the physical activity from rolling hysterically on the floor, and the loss of interest in television are all bonuses. There are lots of great children’s books with nonsense stories and rhymes. Start with Today I Feel Silly: And Other Moods That Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell.

Edna’s tip for adults

I will confess that I’m stealing an idea from the US News special report, allowing me to “lessen” the time required to think of lessons. In case you read the article, you should know that my honorable mention for Lesson #2 would have been “Do a crossword puzzle.” Herewith is my #1:

Lesson #1: Get Your Eyes Checked

If you are 40, just do it. (If you are bumping into things at any age, just do it.) I have been wearing reading glasses for awhile now, and they help, but I have developed some habits that have transformed me into the people I used to feel sorry for. For example, I have begun to do the “lean in/lean out.” For those who still have great vision, that means leaning into the text to read when you are wearing glasses, and leaning away from the text when you are not.

You know you need to get your eyes checked when you have trouble finding your glasses. I have been buying multiple pairs since I found a store where I can buy readers for a dollar. The problem with having too many pairs is this: Losing my ability to see seems to have affected my ability to feel a pair of glasses perched in my hair or in the hand with which I am gesturing as I inquire if anyone has seen my glasses. When that happens, it’s time for an eye exam and real glasses.

The two of us have long embraced change, but we think it may be better in smaller doses, so we are taking the wisdom of the Mock Turtle and the Gryphon to heart.  If you find that 50 ways to do anything is a bit ambitious, feel free to join us here on the other side of the looking glass.