Busy parent conflicted in pet debate

Dear Childwise:
How important is it that a parent provide a pet for a child? I am a single parent and really don’t have time to take care of a pet. My son has been begging for a puppy, and it doesn’t help that my ex-in-laws keep telling him that every boy should have a dog to take care of. They think I’m depriving my son. I had a dog when I was a little girl, but I didn’t actually do any of the “taking care”… my mother did! Any advice?

No pets, please

Dear Mom:
As a pet advocate and pet owner, I am very tempted to encourage you to get a pet for your son without question! In addition to my own biases, research supports the benefits of having a pet, including providing an enjoyable shared focus, teaching greater empathy, supporting children’s self-esteem, protecting against depression and loneliness, creating positive impacts on health, and offering unconditional love. Pets can also be a source of companionship and reassurance for children; in fact, research completed at Purdue University Center for the Human-Animals Bond has indicated that up to 70 percent of children confide in their pets because they know their pets won’t betray them.
OK, those are a few of the benefits. But you make an important point that has to be considered—that you don’t have time to take care of a pet. Unfortunately, many families get pets with the best of intentions but, due to limited time and other priorities, many pets become neglected. Obviously, this is undesirable, not just for the pet but also because it represents a negative model for your child. Families must be responsible about pet ownership, taking into consideration whether or not they can provide the needed care that pets deserve. Families also must decide whether having a pet works for their individual circumstances.
Some families who choose not to have a pet can still benefit by involving animals in their lives in other ways—by volunteering at an animal shelter, financially sponsoring an animal through a rescue group, or visiting animal sanctuaries, for example. You might consider some of these alternatives for inclusion in your family routine; these activities also might be “first steps” in deciding if pet ownership might be right for you and your son down the road. Check out websites like BestFriends.org and PetFinder.org for additional ideas and resources.

Preparing big sister for new baby

Dear Childwise:
I am pregnant with my second child. My husband and I already have a 4-year-old girl, Ally, and I’m afraid the new baby will be very traumatic for her. Ally is very attached to me and wants me (and not my husband) to do everything for her—tucking her in, reading her a story, pushing her on the swing, etc. How can I get her to “bond” with my husband so he can be more help when the baby is born?

Supermom

Dear Supermom:
Congratulations on the upcoming addition to your family! I know this is a busy time for you as you prepare for this major change.
To help your 4-year-old daughter move through this family change in a way that will possibly minimize stress for you all, there are several ideas that you and your husband might consider. One supportive action that many families find valuable is to spend regular time reading and talking about the new baby and how the big sister (or brother) can be helpful when the baby arrives. Try books like My New Baby by Annie Kubler, The New Baby by Mercer Mayer, and What to Expect When a New Baby Comes Home by Heidi Murkoff. Reading these books with your daughter now, before your baby is born, can help prepare all of you for this major change. These books can also highlight the important part Ally can play as the big sister—often an incentive, in the long run, for encouraging older siblings to become more independent.
Your question focuses on your husband being more primary to your daughter, but there’s a different approach that might accomplish your goal of balancing family responsibilities in order to successfully meet the needs of everyone—including the new baby. Preparing your daughter for what to expect when the baby arrives is an important part of this approach. Asking for her “help” and identifying ways she can take part in taking care of the baby are certainly a part of this. Equally important is offering her ongoing reassurance about things that won’t change between the two of you. In fact, this reassurance might be what your daughter is really “asking” for, as her reliance on you to tuck her in, etc., seems to have increased—particularly if this is something you’ve noticed even more since the news of the new baby.
Many blessings to you and your family during this exciting time!