Adopting a child from another country takes patience—and love

By Janis Hashe
Photos by David Andrews

Seven months. That’s how long Ann Eslinger’s journey to adopt her daughter Meg took. Ann and her husband “were blessed” in the process, she says.
Three years. For Cindy Beale, the long journey to adopt Holly Isabelle took all her patience and tenacity. But both parents, and two others Chattanooga Parent interviewed, agreed that despite the paperwork, the expense, the travel, and even more paperwork, international adoption has given them a priceless gift. Each family’s story, as you might imagine, is different.
“There are a diversity of reasons [for choosing international adoption],” says Lisa Mosley of the Tennessee branch of Adoption Assistance, Inc. “Probably the primary reason is infertility or secondary infertility. Many times, though, it is just a family who wants to give an orphaned child a home. Or they feel a connection with a certain country and want to provide a child from that country the opportunities that they can offer.”

The families

Ann Eslinger was herself an adopted child, as is her brother. She and her husband Ray underwent fertility treatment before conceiving their son, Will, now 18. When they decided to have another child, they began treatments again. But then, through one of her professional clients, Ann met a woman who had adopted a girl from Siberia. From there, the deeply religious family is convinced God took a hand in the process, from the decision to choose Russia over China, to paperwork being facilitated by a kind Immigration and Naturalization Service agent at 6 p.m. on Dec. 28, to their ability to pick up their daughter in Russia mere weeks before Vladimir Putin’s 2000 election brought Russia’s adoption program to a near standstill.
They saw Meg via videotape when she was 6 months old, had a pediatrician evaluate what he saw, and agreed to adopt her. Having planned to travel in July, they were notified suddenly in March that they had 48 hours to arrive in Russia. Meg, now 9, became their daughter at age 9 months.
Single mom Cindy Beale had been divorced for some time when she decided to adopt. “I tell people my journey has been a long one—nearly all my life,” she says. She asked herself, “Can I do this on my own?” She researched countries that allowed single-parent adoptions. Finally, working through Chinese Children Adoption International, she was chosen as an adoptive parent—“and the paper chase began. I was told the wait would be six months.” Instead, she waited two-and-a-half years before being matched. She traveled to China in 2007 with a group of 13 other American families, and met her daughter, Holly Isabelle, when she was 13 months old.
Maria and David Lowrance had also gone through infertility treatment before deciding to adopt in 1999. Their research also led them to focus on China, as they learned that most of the children “come from healthy, married parents who did not have government permission to have more than one baby.” After adopting Megan, now 8, they returned to adopt Madelyn, 6, and Mia, 4. “After going to an orphanage, you don’t leave the same person you were when you went in,” Maria says. “We said, ‘I think we’re going to have to go again.’” The Lowrances are now waiting to adopt their fourth child.
David Andrews and wife Judy Condon’s son Elijah was 5 when, in 2004, they decided to adopt a child from Guatemala. “We had heard they took good care of the babies, and that the children they placed were much younger,” Judy says. It took the couple six months to submit all the necessary paperwork; two weeks after they turned it in, they were matched with a 2-week-old baby. Yet due to red tape and more paperwork, Lydia was 10 months old before they brought her home. Alarmed by a report indicating her head size was below normal, they traveled to Guatemala when she was 6 months old to verify her measurements for themselves, finding that she was, indeed, within normal percentiles.
Judy describes the time spent at the Marriott Hotel as surreal. “There was a whole floor of Americans waiting for babies,” she says. Guatemala’s adoption program has since come under accusations of corruption, and no children are currently being adopted from that country.

What you need to know

Children who are adopted in the United States through international channels come from a diversity of countries, Lisa Mosley notes, including Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Ethiopia, Haiti, China, Korea and Columbia.”
Since 2000, some 200,000 children have been adopted from abroad into the U.S. But families considering international adoption need to know that the rules have changed and continue to change, says Karen Smith Rotabi, PhD, assistant professor in the school of social work at Virginia Commonwealth University. Dr. Rotabi has more 10 years’ experience as a permanency planning case manager and adoption consultant, and she serves as a Hague Evaluator for the Council on Accreditation.
“New international regulations about adoption, designed to prevent the sale of children, were decreed by the International Court of Justice in The Hague in 1993, but were not ratified by the U.S. until this year,” Rotabi says. (Visit HagueEvaluation.com for more information on this.) “Up until now, the U.S. has been the number-one country for international adoptions—but the rate is slowing down dramatically.”
Countries such as China also have begun adding more standards, making it harder, for example, for single parents to adopt.
Those considering international adoption should also understand that each country assesses a child’s health and growth differently, and that often this information is unreliable, says Dr. Mark Mendelsohn, a pediatrician and co-director of the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Virginia Health System. Prospective parents need to consider the issues of malnourishment and its effects, he says, and be aware that there is very likely no way to access a child’s genetic health history.
There is also the issue of Reactive Attachment Disorder, in which an institutionalized child fails to bond with the adopted parents. “You need to ask yourself, ‘What would my reaction be if the situation is not what I expected?’” Dr. Mendelsohn says. “But most of the time, the people I work with say that the adoptions are a success.”

Leap of faith—and period of adjustment

All those interviewed for this story agreed that a leap of faith is necessary in order to adopt any child, especially one from another country. They also agreed that you can—and must—prepare for it.
“The Internet is a great place to find out information,” says Mosley. “Call placing agencies that work with individual countries and ask questions. You can also call agencies that do home studies—they can give you general information on different countries. Definitely look at how long the adoption agency has been in business. How many adoptions have they completed through their specific countries? Make sure they are Hague-accredited, if you are looking at a country that is Hague-accredited. You will want to look at home-study agencies that are nonprofit and licensed. Many times a home-study agency can tell you about different placing agencies, also. You will definitely want to ask for references, too.”
“Talk to families that have done it,” advises Dr. Rotabi. “Use a wide variety of sources—the Internet, blogs, discussion groups, self-help books. The U.S. State Department website has recommendations about each country.”
The most valuable tool for prospective parents is patience, patience and more patience. And once the adoption goes through and your child is home with you, be prepared for a period of adjustment. Again, each family’s story is different.
“Though we could tell that after the first two weeks, Meg knew we were Mommy and Daddy, I feel she had a minor case of RAD,” says Ann Eslinger. “We worked at being very physically affectionate. She did not like being held, since she had not been held. There was a process of me saying, ‘I love you,’ and she would not respond. Then she began writing notes saying, ‘I love you, Mommy,’ and leaving them where I would find them.”
Cindy Beale and Holly Isabelle “bonded almost immediately,” she says. Holly, who had been with a foster family in China before the adoption, never experienced attachment issues.
Each of the three Lowrance daughters was different, Maria says. “Madelyn did not attach to me at first,” says Maria. “She was mad. But with time and love, she did. Then with Mia, as soon as she saw me, it was like, ‘Mama is here!’” The Lowrances highly recommend local support group Families with Children from China.
“Lydia had not been given all her inoculations, and she was sick a great deal in the beginning,” says Judy Condon. “We bonded as I held her during that time. Now, she is such a happy little girl.” Though brother Elijah has been, and still occasionally is, jealous, Judy regards it as normal sibling rivalry that occurs in any family.
Across the board, the families regard themselves as ambassadors for international adoptions. “I’m happy to tell people how Lydia became a part of our family,” says Judy. “I don’t mind at all when people ask.”
“Not a day goes by that I’m not asked, ‘Are they sisters?’” says Maria Lowrance. “My answer is, ‘They are now.’”

Questions to ask before considering international adoption

Lisa Mosley of the Tennessee branch of Adoption Assistance, Inc., provided us with this list of questions that potential adoptive parents should ask themselves. AAI is an umbrella organization, working with a number of international adoption agencies.
“Of course, they will want to check the requirements concerning each individual country. Single parents, in particular, need to make sure that the country is open to single parents.” Regarding each individual country, she says, you’ll want to know:

1. What placing agency do you want to use?
2. How long is the wait for the child to come home?
3. Is the country that I am looking at Hague-accredited?
4. If so, is the placing agency you are looking at Hague-accredited?
5. What is the adoption fee for the country?
6. How long will adoptive parents have to be in country for the process to be final?

For more information, call (615) 907-2767 or visit AdoptionAssistance.com. Another source for information is TennesseeAdoption.org.

And adoption expert Karen Smith Rotabi, PhD, shared her top questions:

1. Are you ready to address the issues of blended or interracial family life?
2. Do you have the time and patience for a two-to-three-year wait?
3. Do you have $25,000 for the adoption?